OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
