D3 body, D1 cock
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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