using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
