Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
