I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Randomize
