so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
