He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
