These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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