You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
