The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
