you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
