I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
