Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
