It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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