It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
