Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
