I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
