There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize