I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
