At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
