Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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