so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
