The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
