Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
