you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
