I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
