I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i drank out of a bidet.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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