he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
