i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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