if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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