dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
