My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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