Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
