dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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