i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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