And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Randomize
