morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
