drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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