I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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