She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
