Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
