she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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