I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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