Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
