So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
