There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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