U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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