oh god the rape fog is back!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
