$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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