if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
