I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
