He is an equal opportunity slut.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
