Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
