Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
