Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
