You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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