Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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