What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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