i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
