Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
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his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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