So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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