i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
