There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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