I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
