New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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