A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
