I cannot find my penis.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
